President Biya Addresses Cameroon from the Psych Unit

By Innocent Chia
It was delusional, non-descript gibberish by an apparently perturbed and delusional head of state of La Republique du Cameroun, Paul Biya to a nation on the brink of decomposition. Rather than assure the people, the run-away President, shuttling between the comfort of one of his many hideout mansions in Sweden and the hospital he built with stolen tax-payer money in Baden Baden - Germany, insulted Camerounians in a tirade of rage. It was not only the absence of class that caught the attention of the world, Camerounians, and yours truly. It was the absence of substance and something much more profound - Biya never takes responsibility for anything.

This time around the President of Sorcerers blamed the infectious violence on "apprentice sorcerers in the shadows"!He just blew his open-secret cover of running a Rosicrucian country where every Minister goes to the Tsinga Lodge in Yaounde during lunch break. But never mind that. The point is that this absentee-landlord President is not in touch with the realities on the ground. He hardly knows how much a liter of kerosene costs because he, of course, does not know any person that could possibly be using kerosene in his schizophrenic bubble-world. Nor does he know the price of a liter of gas at the pump. How would he know that when his mendicant bandit Ministers know not what hoops the ordinary Camerounian must go through to fuel their car. A round trip from Yaounde to Bamenda and back is in the upwards of CFA 150,000frs (roughly $360) in gas money on a stretch of less than 500 miles. Be reminded that medical doctors have a monthly salary of less than CFA140,000frs!

The self-dubbed Lion-man has been unflappable in the face of an economic tailspin that is an everyday reality for the average Cameroonian living on less than a dollar a day. But the courage that is associated with Lions has recently been tested... The Indomitable Lions of Cameroon were not only claw-less but clueless as the Pharaohs of Egypt humiliated and knocked them out at the just-ended African Cup of Nations soccer tournament in Ghana. It is important to make this association since the Lion-man has often made political capital out of the victories of the Lions, and it is true that he stole the Lion logo from the Indomitable Lions. Therefore, the mummification of the Lions was not only a setback on the soccer arena. It was the sign of a bigger fall in the making for the Lion man, President Paul Biya.

His buffoonery was also in full display with the claim that a sour opposition, that faced its worst waterloo yet at the 2007 parliamentary and municipal twin-elections , had tricked the youth of the country into the violent outbursts. So what if they did? What has he done for the youth of Cameroon? The unemployment rate is at over 30 percent! University graduates move from their student rooms back into the boys quarters of the homes of their parents. The less fortunate ones have to eke out a living the best way they can, very often becoming prostitutes, thieves and other men of the underworld. It is also part Biya's legacy that La Republique du Cameroun has won three heavy weight titles as the most corrupt nation in world. He also did it in style - two quick wins in 1998 and 1999 and then one more in 2007.

He could not have made his diatribe of February 28th from the United States. He would not even do it in France, where Sarkozi is spitting him out. No, not Britain either. He would not do it in Germany. He chose to go next door to little peaceful Sweden where there are hardly any Cameroonians to fling rotten tomatoes at him. But this is what the one or two Cameroonians living out there must seek to do: Storm the Embassy of Cameroun in Sweden and let the Swedish ask him to go back and fix the problems in his rotten nation. He can either go back or seek political asylum. It is his choice. He either steps down or be pushed out against his will.

Innocent Chia
Citizen Journalist
Email: innochia@gmail.com